Build Rapport or Miss the Moment: The Interview Skill No One Talks About
Let’s talk about something that doesn’t show up on a resume, isn’t taught in school, and rarely gets mentioned in career workshops—but quietly makes or breaks interview outcomes every single day:
Rapport.
Not “small talk.” Not “fake it 'til you make it.” I’m talking about authentic connection. That sense of flow and familiarity that makes an interviewer lean in a little closer. That moment when a job seeker stops sounding like a nervous candidate and starts sounding like a future colleague.
I’ve been in this game for more than 2 decades, almost 3 —coaching job seekers, helping startups scale, and guiding growth-stage leaders through hiring decisions. You know what I’ve noticed?
The candidates who build rapport aren’t always the most qualified on paper. But they often walk away with the offer.
Let’s dig into why—and how—you can build this underrated skill into your interview toolkit.
Why Rapport Matters More Than You Think
Interviews aren’t just about verifying skills. They’re about answering unspoken questions:
“Would I want to work with this person every day?”
“Do they get our culture?”
“Would I trust them with our customers or our product or our team?”
Rapport is the bridge between your experience and their confidence in hiring you. It’s the reason someone chooses you over another candidate with the same qualifications.
And in a hiring market where culture fit and collaboration matter as much as technical chops, rapport is your secret differentiator.
The Cost of Missing the Moment
I’ve watched candidates crush the technical portion of an interview—only to lose the job because they stayed too buttoned-up, too rehearsed, too formal.
They answered questions.
They didn’t connect.
When that happens, interviewers walk away saying things like:
“They were great on paper, but something didn’t click.”
“They just didn’t seem very excited.”
“I’m not sure how they’d mesh with the team.”
Translation? No rapport. No offer.
So, How Do You Build Rapport?
You don’t need to be the most extroverted person in the room. You don’t need to crack jokes or have the “gift of gab.” You just need to be human, curious, and intentional.
Here are five ways to start:
1. Warm Up Before You Log On
If your interview is virtual, don’t roll straight from bed or back-to-back Zooms. Walk around. Say something out loud. Loosen up. Energy translates—on screen and off.
2. Start With Shared Humanity
Smile. Use the interviewer’s name. Ask how their week is going. Mention something you noticed about the company or team. Treat it like a conversation, not a pop quiz.
3. Mirror Their Tone—But Stay You
If they’re casual, be casual. If they’re more structured, keep it professional—but don’t go robotic. Authenticity builds trust. People can feel when you’re trying too hard.
4. Tell Stories, Not Just Answers
Rapport grows through relatability. Instead of saying, “I’m detail-oriented,” share a quick story of how you caught a major error in a campaign before it launched. Stories stick. Bullet points don’t.
5. Stay Curious
Ask thoughtful questions. Not just “What’s your favorite thing about the culture?” but “What do you think sets apart someone who thrives on this team?” or “What’s been your biggest challenge since joining?” People open up when they feel seen.
What Rapport Isn’t
Let me be clear: rapport doesn’t mean oversharing. It doesn’t mean forcing a fake connection. And it’s not a substitute for being prepared.
It’s about adding color to your candidacy. Giving them a preview of what it’ll be like to work with you. Helping them see you in the seat—even before they decide who gets the job.
Final Thought: Rapport Is a Skill—Practice It
You’re not born with rapport. You build it. Every informational interview, networking event, or casual conversation is a chance to get better.
And the more comfortable you get being yourself in professional settings, the easier it gets to build real connection when the stakes are high.
Because at the end of the day, hiring isn’t just about resumes and references.
It’s about people.
And people hire people they trust, respect—and yes, like.
So next time you’re prepping for an interview, don’t just rehearse your answers.
Practice your presence.